I'll probably have it on my journal for a few days if a live preview is desired.

( Code and details under cut. )

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ICanHasCheezburger/~3/uUwig_9ZkrQ/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/?p=191330

http://thebloggess.com/?p=4669

I just got back from Japan day before yesterday and my head is mush but if I don’t write about Japan now I’ll just forget to because that’s kind of what I do so I’m going to just retype the stuff I wrote  in my journal.  It’s probably not going to be even more confusing than usual.  Consider yourself warned.

**************************

Victor and I in the car on the way to the airport:

Victor:  Why aren’t you talking to me?

me: I’m too busy thinking about all the ways I could die.

Victor:  Why are you always so panicked?  This is a vacation for God’s sake.

me:  It’s what I do.  I panic.

Victor:  What’s the worst thing that could happen?

me:  I could get rats in my brains from some sort of Japanese spider bite.

Victor: The fuck? Rats can’t fit in your brain.

me:  They’re very small rats.  Like…rat-worms. And they’ll eat the part of my brain that lets me remember stuff like algebra and how to swallow and then I’ll starve to death.

Victor:  Huh.  You know what?  Changed my mind.  You don’t really need to talk to me.

me:  And also I feel all fat and  Japanese girls are tiny and adorable and so I’m going to feel even fatter as soon as I get off the plane.

Victor:  But you have big boobs though.  That’s the good thing about you.

me:  THAT’S the good thing about me?

Victor:  Well…it’s one of them.

me:  *glare*

Victor:  What?!  I gave you a compliment. You’re welcome.

**************************

On the plane:

Somehow we ended up upgraded to first-class at the last minute, which is awesome because it’s a 14-hour flight but I assume it’ll be like the only other time that I flew first-class when the stewardess refused to butcher a live pig for me even though I totally requested it.  Turns out going first-class isn’t like having a genie.  It’s pretty close though.

**************************

I just saw a guy who looks exactly like Woody Allen get on the plane with us.  WTF?

*************************

Just asked Woody Allen if he was Woody Allen. He says he’s not. Woody Allen is a damn liar. Also he has a Texas accent. Weird.

************************

I just ordered the pot roast from the flight attendant. He raised an eye and said “Do you mean ‘the osso bucco‘?”. Clearly I don’t belong here.

***********************

Not-Woody-Allen just ordered the chicken. Correctly. Or maybe the attendant was too intimidated to criticize Woody Allen.

**********************

Not-Woody-Allen totally thinks he’s better than me.

***********************

I need to tweet something poignant and profound before they ask me to turn off my phone just in case I die in a plane crash and that’s all anyone has to remember me by.  I’ve got nothing.  I asked Victor for something to tweet as my last words and he just stared at me.  Probably because that’s too much pressure to put on someone who doesn’t even know how to use twitter.  I’m all “THIS IS THE KIND OF SHIT I GO THROUGH EVERY DAY, DUDE.”  He looks impressed.  Or appalled.  I can never tell those apart.

***********************

What I was planning for my last tweet: ” Love is everything.  We are all connected.  Be good to each other.  Don’t forget to floss.”

My actual last tweet before my phone died: “THEY ARE OUT OF POT ROAST. MOTHERFUCKER.”

Awesome.

***********************

The stewardess just gave us a form to fill out for immigration that lists all the things we aren’t allowed to bring on the plane.  Stuff like rice.  And cobras.

me:  The hell?!  Shouldn’t they have given us this list before we got on the damn plane?

Victor: It’s not very clearly written either.  Are we not allowed to bring cobras with us at all or just not in our carry-on luggage?

me:  Fuck. Don’t open your bag until we get this clarified.

Not-Woodie-Allen looks terrified. This is the best flight ever.

*******************************

Victor:  You know we have to have sex on the plane, right?  It’s kind of a tradition I have whenever I fly to Japan.

me:  This is the first time I’ve ever gone to Japan with you.

Victor:  Oh.  Right.

This is probably exactly why they don’t want you to bring your cobras on the plane.

*******************************

Oh my God, they will not stop bringing me food.  Victor says they do that so it breaks up the flight and you feel like time is passing faster.  I feel like fucking Hansel.  I said that to Victor and he just looked at me with revulsion.  Probably because he didn’t understand that I meant “fucking” as an adjective and not a verb.  I don’t want to actually have sex with the kid from Hansel and Gretel.  I shouldn’t even have to explain this kind of shit.

*******************************

They brought me a shitload of silverware.  I’m on the 3rd course and I still have 4 forks, 3 knives and a spoon left.  Victor says it’s because I’m not supposed to dip my bread into the butter dish.  Apparently there’s a whole knife just for butter now.  Fucking rich people…

******************************

The stewardess just wheeled out a fucking sundae cart and asked “Who wants ice cream?”.  Who does that?  Is this what it’s like for rich people all the time?

Me:  Where do you keep the golden unicorns?  Are they hiding in the bathroom?

Stewardess:  Pardon?

Me:  You heard me.

Victor:  She’s just kidding.

I’m only kidding about the “golden” part.

*****************************

The stewardess just brought me empanadas and I’m all “They’re free?”  Victor says he’d appreciate it if I’d stop asking that every time they offer me something but if I was an airline I’d give you everything for free at first so it’d lull you into a false sense of security and then on the way out I’d hand the traveler a bill for $8,000 and the person would be all “But you said it was free!” and the flight attendant would say “Yes, it was all free until the 8th diet coke which was $8,000.  That’s the rule.  It was in your immigration contract.  Right after the part saying ‘no cobras’.  We just put that part in there to freak you out so you wouldn’t notice the $8,000 coke thing”.  And then you’d be screwed.  If I was the owner of this airline I’d totally do that.  This is why the airline industry is losing money.  That and the free ice cream sundaes.  That’s just fucking ridiculous.

******************************

Victor just yelled at me for not using my knife on the salad.  Who uses a knife on a salad?!  It’s already cut up for you. THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT A SALAD. Otherwise it’s just a head of lettuce.  Victor just pointed out that he’s now down to 1 knife and I still have 3.  I didn’t even know we were keeping score.

*****************************

Victor is accusing me of being a silverware hoarder.  I mean, he didn’t say it out loud but I can see it in his eyes and he keeps huffing at me when he looks at all the knives I still have.  I DON’T EVEN WANT THIS SILVERWARE.  But I do rather like the salt and pepper shakers.  They’re like the size of a prenatal vitamin.  They’re fucking adorable.

*****************************

I just stole the salt and pepper shakers.  I told the stewardess that I accidentally inhaled them.  I meant it as a joke but she looks really freaked out.  I’m all “It’s okay though.  I’m not going to sue or anything.”  She doesn’t look as relieved as I expected.

******************************

me:  Hey, you should tell the flight attendant who’s serving the food that we’re kind of in a hurry.

Victor:  We’re on a plane.

me:  I know.  That’s what makes it so funny.

Victor:  No.

me:  Oh!  Tell him we’re in a hurry because we have a flight to catch.

Victor:  Why would I do that?

me:  Because I can’t keep a straight face when I say shit like that.  It’s a problem.

Victor:  It’s a problem alright.

I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing.

*********************************

The plane just landed.  It’s like 4am Texas time. My head feels all mushy.  Probably because of too much opium.  Or not enough opium.  Which one makes you all sleepy?  Victor says it’s just “jet-lag” but I like “too much opium”.  I’m putting it on my answering machine.  ”Can’t come to the phone right now.  Too much opium.”  Except that I can’t even figure out how to check my voicemails so Victor will have to do it for me.

********************************

Victor is refusing to change my voicemail message because apparently it would cost a million dollars since we’re roaming in Japan.  What. an. asshole.  I wonder if it’s a problem that I’ve been twittering all this time?  I’m not going to ask.

Part 2 coming soon.  Probably.  I just wrote an enormous post about Japan and I haven’t actually mentioned Japan until right now.  Awesome. I am a terrible blogger.

Salvete, omnes!

I have, of late, become a rather frequent twitterer (primarily due to my interest in space exploration and the large community of "space tweeps" out there). At any rate, being a classics grad student, I am curious as to whether anyone out there makes it a habit to compose their tweets / converse in Latin. If so, I would quite enjoy the opportunity to continue practicing my compositional skills. (Plus, the whole "living Latin" phenomenon is just plain fun!)

Hi. I was hoping someone could give me some advice. I am new to trying to live a more natural life. Currently I am in a transitional period where I am changing the food I put into my body. I live in a dorm and do not have a fridge. My meal plan isn't so great - not a lot of nutritious options. I don't feel well a lot of the time and I'm convinced it's because of the food I have been eating (classic dorm room food, all highly processed). I want to cleanse my body - kind of like a complete overhaul. But I have two questions about it:
1. Is a complete overhaul a good idea?
2. How can I go about doing it?
Is it as simple as cutting out all of the crap or should I go through some sort of detoxification process to get a clean start? I've been reading up on it but I thought it would be a good idea to hear from personal experiences with lifestyle changes.

Thanks for your help.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ICanHasCheezburger/~3/9Q7MVLi_9SA/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/?p=207508

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-11-10/will-smith-to-play-mentally-retarded-person-in-retarded-attempt-to-win-oscar/

http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=47156

Will Smith, I know you’re pissed about not winning Oscars for Ali or Pursuit of Happyness, but please, PLEASE do not do the Oscar equivalent of strapping dynamite to yourself and threatening to blow yourself up if the Academy doesn’t bend to your will and finally toss you a golden statue.

Don’t do it, Will. You’re better than that. PLEASE don’t star as a mentally retarded person in an Oscar-baiting film. Will, please… what are you… No… NOOOO….

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

According to our inside source, The Hollywood Cog, Smith is set to produce and star in Flowers for Algernon, a modern-day adaptation of the Daniel Keyes’ novel.

The short story (and the subsequent novel) is about Charlie, a mentally retarded man who is the first human test subject for an experimental surgery that artificially increases intelligence…

Flowers For Algernon, if you somehow made it through high school with your eyes closed and fingers in your ears the entire time, is an excellent short story from the 50s that was adapted into a mediocre novel in the 60s and subsequent 1968 film that already won Cliff Robertson a Best Actor Oscar.

I’m being nothing but serious, Will Smith, when I say: NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU PLAY A MENTALLY HANDICAPPED PERSON. It’s been a cliched Oscar joke for two decades, an earlier film adaptation already won a damn Oscar, and you’re Will freaking Smith and hearing you talk like a mentally retarded person is going to make us all laugh really, really, really hard.

Wait a minute, now I’m picturing it. And laughing out loud. Oh man, this is a sweet mental trailer-picture. “Wewcome 2 Ewth!!!” Hehehe… On second thought…

GO FOR IT WILL!!!! Slur those words, be confused by simple concepts but understand love and GET THAT ELUSIVE OSCAR!!!!

I just acquired a night job and I'm going to be making the transition to being a night owl instead of a day person. I've worked nights before, so that's not really a horrible thing.

I have really good coffee at home and would like to take it to work with me and keep it warm for about 5 hours at least, along with green teas, etc.

I have been looking at this http://mysigg.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=628

My partner has one of the older style thermos and loves it, it keeps coffee hot for 6-7 hours.

I know Sigg is backed up right now due to the recall, since I'm waiting on my cold Sigg to be delivered.

Does anyone have other recommendations for really good thermoses that are not plastic?

I'm mostly looking for a thermos, not really a travel mug because those tend to be harder to wash.

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-11-10/pole-dance-workout-instructor-joins-cast-of-lost-so-what-does-this-mean/

http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=47148

Meet your new cast member, Lost fans — L.A. Law co-star turned erotic exercise instructor Sheila Kelley:

Kelley will play the recurring role of “Kendall” in the show’s final season. But, rather than just accept this minor detail and resume waiting for the season to actually start, let’s try some speculation: What is the significance of this pole dancing workout instructor being added to the show?

Some theories:

• The island was a giant pole the whole time and the survivors were merely dancing on it, erotically.
• Every Jack-centric episode will just feature constant erotic pole dancing on the screen to maintain viewers’ interest.
• Yunjin Kim got a DUI this summer and will be replaced.
• Ben will do something shady, and a pole will be there.
• The island was purgatory. Purgatory has pole dancers in it.
• Lost was really L.A. Law the whole time. The polar bear was Corbin Bernsen.

Other theories? Leave ‘em in the comments. But I’m pretty sure all of mine are correct.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ICanHasCheezburger/~3/zRh5wzHueYQ/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/?p=201671

So, this is really weird. In late August I planted some chili seeds that I was planning to overwinter indoors (I'm in zone 7). So they sprouted outdoors and I re-planted them in larger pots in October and brought them inside. Only earlier this week I was watering them and noticed these tiny green bugs on them. I assume the bugs are aphids.

My gardening book recommended making a citrus spray with orange peel, so I did. I've been squirting the plans for three days now and I don't see any aphid death. However I am loosing some plant leaves (due to aphids I think).

Any advice? I have pets and people with allergies in the house, so eco-friendly advice is preferred.

TIA!

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-11-10/10-fantasy-levi-johnston-playgirl-covers/

http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=47127

This Friday will be a semenal day for the history of these United States, as the World’s Most Famous Alaskan Baby Daddy (and Second Most Famous Alaskan) Levi Johnston will be trading in his Old Navy cargo pants for a silky mesh thong as part of a Playgirl photo shoot. This is easily the most anticipated Playgirl photo shoot of all time, as it serves as both a giant middle… finger… to the Republican party, as well as informative. (Does his penis look like an antler? Almost certainly.) The guy’s been eating nothing but moose meat for the past month, so you know he gonna look good.

Speaking of moose meat: Just how sexy will this Playgirl spread be? BWE.tv has spent hundreds of hours pouring over old Playgirl issues, and using a state of the art digital photos of the future doohickey, we’ve guesstimated 10 Possible Levi Johnston Playgirl Covers. You can check out the originals over at NewNowNext.

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

(Fair enough, this is our dream centerfold.)

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-11-10/video-i-vote-for-walk-this-way-kid-to-replace-steven-tyler-in-aerosmith/

http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=47104

Joe Perry confirmed this morning that Aerosmith is officially searching for a new lead singer to replace Steven Tyler after the band just got too sober and cognizant and had a terrible falling out last week.

Assuming Jon Bon Jovi isn’t available, I don’t think the band has to look any farther than the kid in the “Walk This Way” cover below to be their new lead singer. In fact, I vote for scrapping the entire band Aerosmith and replacing them with these three kids. It’d be far more entertaining than the last 15 years of their existence:

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-11-10/video-hits-one-lady-gagas-new-bad-romance-video-is-more-like-good-video/

http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=47110

Thanks to Halloween 2009, any time I see the actual Lady Gaga now, I half-assume it’s just some person in a really elaborate Lady Gaga costume, almost like a Halloween version of the “Movie Becoming Ozzed” phenomenon. Which I suppose is actually an extreme compliment, but .

That being said, here’s Lady Gaga’s new video, “Bad Romance.” It’s so good they should have called it “Good Romance,” then changed all the choruses so you weren’t confused by that change!

Unfortunately, the video is 5 minutes long, meaning that there will be a negative one million percent chance it will ever actually air in full on television (as opposed to if it were a normal music video, when it would simply have a zero percent chance). Maybe check MTV Desi at like, 4:30 am.

Also, note the Mr. Bigglesworth cameo at 2:42:

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ICanHasCheezburger/~3/cFK4g1jnaqk/

http://icanhascheezburger.com/?p=188067

Ok, since my last post got nailed by a bot, let me try this again, but in a shorter form.

I saw these at my co-op yesterday and two of the employees could not say enough good things about them. Does anyone on this community have them and if so, what are your thoughts?

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-11-10/cbs-picks-up-rights-to-sht-my-dad-says-twitter-probably-turning-it-into-crime-drama/

http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=47090

In network television’s ongoing effort to be “with it” and “cutting edge” and “ethernet,” CBS has acquired the rights to the “Sh*t My Dad Says” Twitter account minutes after executives were informed that Twitter is not just a trendy black guy:

CBS has picked up a comedy project based on the Twitter account, which has enlisted more than 700,000 followers since launching in August and has made its creator, Justin Halpern, an Internet star.

Will & Grace creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick are on board to executive produce and supervise the writing for the multicamera family comedy, which Halpern will co-pen with Patrick Schumacker.

And what will CBS be calling this “Swearword My Dad Says” show? Here’s some suggestions (feel free to leave your own in the comments):

Stuff My Dad Says

Hooey My Dad Says

My Dad Says

Two And A Half Dads

Dads!

SMDS

SMDS: Miami

The Things My Dad Says Are Different Than The Things I Say!

Untitled 2010 Brad Garrett Project

Title suggestions? Leave ‘em in the comments!

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-11-10/rihanna-looking-shady-at-the-women-of-the-year-awards/

http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=47078

Rihanna showed up at the 2009 Glamour Magazine Women of the Year Awards in a very unusual Stephane Rolland gown. Some have likened it to vertical blinds, others to origami. Some say she looks like she got caught in a paper shredder, while others think it’s taking the Memoirs of a Geisha thing a little too far.

What do we think? We think she looks hot, as usual. Sure, it’s a gown unlike anything we’ve ever seen, but isn’t that the point of making a fashion statement? It fits her like a glove, has a very sexy back (click through the gallery to check it out), and is a moving work of art. As per usual, Riri nails it.

Agree or disagree?

Ed. Note: We have a new gallery feature! Like a real life blog. Click on the below thumbnails to check it out, and let us know if you experience any problems with the feature in the comments. Fancy, right?