GUESS WHAT

Two things, really.

ONE: I managed to earn a degree. I have a sheet of paper now, that I obtained on Sunday, while wearing a ridiculous wizard robe with a hood, that verifies that I am, in fact, a complete lunatic and have earned that title in the form of a Master's of Fine Arts. I am a MASTER. OF ART. Art art art *seal clap*

TWO: The department, unless one of my colleagues turns out to be a convicted felon, or some other horrible thing happens (I'm not ruling it out; I mean, the first time I thought I was good to go the dept head called me and was all "NEVERMIND!"), gave me back my 2-2 job. That schedule I posted is now, more or less, back on track.

HEY THAT'S PRETTY COOL, ME.

So I'm pretty deliriously happy, for these things and for other reasons. I have a whopper of a headache right now, though (note to self: SELF, bring water to class or you will get dehydrated from running your mouth), so I'll cut myself short (the audience: "yaaaayyyyy").

Here's to the next thing.

So guess what.

I just handed in my thesis.

I've given my reading, I've gotten my signatures, I've handed it in. Oh, you know, and I wrote the poems, too. And my grad regalia is hanging from my closet door.


...DO NOT WANT.


I mean, I do. This is a momentous thing. But I don't think that the word "bittersweet" has ever been more appropriate in any context in my life, ever. People keep congratulating me, and I just keep being...sad. But not quite sad because really, I am happy! I am also large and contain multitudes. Et cetera.

I have to go RIGHT THIS SECOND because upon arriving home, I have to go to the grocery store (again, argh) and pick up some kind of dessert-thing for a going-away party tonight for one of our fiction writers. He's going to Canada. Oh, Canada.

Anyway more later. That mortarboard, man. I hate it.

Atchoo. And not because I have allergies, no, I appear to have contracted a literal case of spring fever.

Oh well. There are certainly worse things.

Oh, Knots

Tie me up in them, because it's the end of the term and oh, oh, oh.

Tomorrow I'm headed off to the printer's to get my thesis plunked out (I need something like 6 copies for various people! That is a lot of trees! For shame). Then, a million other things, but THEN, summer! Which for all practical and meteorological intents and purposes, appears to already be here. My shoulders are mad sunburned from spending the day outside yesterday. Wouldn't trade THAT for the world, however. For many reasons.

Hmmm. What else. Nothing, I suppose. In all these ways that I typically write about, my life is regular. This is patently untrue, but you know, there are some things.

Hey I'm still happy! If sniffly. And confused. But happy. In my skin.

Oh My Goodness.

I'm full to bursting with gratitude right now.

I've also maybe had a glass or two of wine, so bear with me. Apologies in advance.

So, as I'm sure I've blubbered on about already, my thesis reading was this afternoon. This event is, for all intents and purposes, graduation for PSU's MFA candidates - they give us full introductions and 30-45 minutes to read. It is, in other words, a big deal.

And today, Lesley and I packed the house (small house, granted, but still) with friends and colleagues who actually wanted to hear us read from our first books. I cannot tell you how incredibly wonderful it was to read in front of a group of my dearest friends and most respected teachers - and although I'm not quite sure how good a job I did (there is always a lot of stammering during these sort of things; personally my hands were shaking so badly that I'm surprised I didn't spill water all over myself every time I went to take a drink), the simple fact of being surrounded by so many loved ones and so much love makes the actuality of the *poems* that I read kind of fade into the background.

(Don't make me think about the poems, btw. I have to cut over 20 pages tomorrow, which is fine, but right now I want to BELIEVE that I'm kind of done. Blehhhh)

So I feel like just about the most thankful person on earth right now. I'm truly blessed, and dude, it kicks ass. I've now got a backlog of the kindest, most wonderful notes/emails/various-social-networking-messages to read and respond to. I can't ask for anything better than this.

So Okay. Home Stretch, Mental State, Et Cetera

Oh, I'm totally crazy. So what else is new.

My new obsession - blatantly suggestive songs! I think that that kind of raw, slightly-taboo energy is currently the pushing me through the days way better than I could do on my own. Is it an energy that leaves me VERY frustrated most of the time? MAYBE. But hey! It's energy. I'll take what I can get.

(This has led me to do some interesting, next-poetry-project drafting, btw. Now *there's* a bad idea.)

Next Friday the semester ends, and then I get to draft a short essay for a book on pedagogy, graduate, go to my sister's graduation, come back and edit/edit/submit/edit/submit/figure out the rest of my life. That latter one is only partially true; I need to figure out my shit for PhD applications, which may actually dictate the rest of my life. Good times.

Meantime, however, I'm going to float around on this little cloud that excellent people have placed beneath me, and continue to listen to bad-idea music. Onward!

THIS, folks, is why I'm pretty sure I'm done with this whole English grad student BULLSHIT:



I mean, I lol'd. But really, it would be exponentially funnier if it weren't SO damned true. When you think about it, it's a really stupid field. I sort of can't believe I've been doing it for this long without realizing how dumb it really is.

I am now, however, going to have to make up some new lines for the whole "oh, you're a poet? WhatareyagonnaDOOOwiththatsweetie" thing that I have to endure every fucking day of my whole fucking life.

Anyway, tonight we saw a reggae band and it was awesome and reminded me of JBB shows, and then I got all nostalgic THE END.

first things outta the way first:

UNO: HAPPY EFFING BIRTHDAY maskedfantom!!! as i tell everyone ever with a birthday, congrats. you have made it once more around the sun.

DOS: CONGRATUFUCKINGLATIONS TO showusyoursmile FOR GETTING INTO GRAD SCHOOL. you have joined my super geeky ranks! this is super awesome! and if you go to denver, i will see you a lot because now i have PROPERTY out that way okay i don't but my PARENTS do so you know!

awwws. my friends are gettin' older and gettin' out of the damn valley. what am i gonna do?

i'm going to GO TO SPAIN, that is what i am going to do. barcelona in two days with the new extended family, which apparently includes the special-someones of both me and my sister. my mom seems patently thrilled about this, and it's a little confusing to me, but i'll run with it. does she want grandchildren?!?1? i don't even want to think about it. for now, i am just dealing with the total work crunch that this little vacation is going to entail. so what do i do? write in my journal, of course. go figure.

i have more to say. but i don't have the brainpower right now to say it. AWP update in a few days.